The "Talking, Feeling, and Doing Game" isn't a game in the traditional sense; it's a powerful communication framework designed to enhance emotional intelligence and improve relationships. It's a structured approach to understanding and expressing emotions, fostering empathy, and resolving conflicts constructively. This framework helps individuals clearly articulate their experiences, understand the perspectives of others, and navigate challenging situations with more grace and effectiveness.
What is the Talking, Feeling, and Doing Game?
This method centers around separating three key elements of any situation: what happened (Talking), how it made you feel (Feeling), and how you reacted or want to react (Doing). By explicitly separating these aspects, you can better understand your emotional responses, communicate them clearly, and make more informed decisions about your actions. This is particularly useful in resolving conflicts, both personal and professional.
How Does it Work?
The core of the game lies in its structured approach. Let's break down each component:
1. Talking (The What): This involves objectively describing the situation without judgment or emotional commentary. Stick to the facts. For example, instead of saying "John was late again and it was incredibly inconsiderate," you might say, "John arrived 15 minutes late to our meeting." This factual account sets the stage for understanding emotions and actions without immediate conflict.
2. Feeling (The How): This is where you express your emotions resulting from the situation described in the "Talking" section. Use "I" statements to avoid blaming others. For example, "John's lateness made me feel frustrated and anxious because it disrupted the meeting's flow." Honesty in expressing feelings is crucial, even if they seem uncomfortable.
3. Doing (The Why): This section focuses on your reaction or desired response. It's about actions, both past and future. For example, "In the past, I've ignored the lateness. In the future, I plan to address this directly and respectfully with John to understand the reason behind it and find a solution." This stage helps clarify the consequences of emotions and the intention behind future actions.
Why is the Talking, Feeling, and Doing Game Effective?
This framework offers several key benefits:
- Improved Communication: It provides a clear structure for expressing complex emotional experiences.
- Increased Empathy: By separating facts from feelings, it promotes understanding of different perspectives.
- Conflict Resolution: It helps navigate disagreements constructively, focusing on solutions rather than blame.
- Emotional Regulation: It promotes self-awareness by clearly identifying and labeling emotions.
- Enhanced Relationships: It strengthens bonds by fostering open and honest communication.
How to Use the Talking, Feeling, and Doing Game in Different Situations?
This method is adaptable to various scenarios. Here are a few examples:
Workplace Conflicts: Imagine a colleague taking credit for your work. The game would help you articulate the situation factually, express your feelings of anger and frustration, and plan a course of action (talking to your manager, documenting your work, etc.).
Family Disputes: A family argument about chores can benefit from this framework. You can describe the situation (dishes not done), express your feeling of resentment, and suggest a solution (creating a chore chart).
Romantic Relationships: Communication breakdowns in relationships can be addressed by clearly stating what happened, how it made you feel (hurt, neglected), and what you'd like to see happen differently.
Frequently Asked Questions
How can I teach the Talking, Feeling, and Doing Game to children?
For children, simplify the language and use visual aids. Focus on the core concepts through storytelling and role-playing. Start with simple scenarios and gradually introduce more complex situations.
Is this game helpful for couples therapy?
Absolutely. It's a valuable tool for improving communication and resolving conflicts in couples therapy. The structure helps partners express themselves clearly and understand each other's perspectives.
Can this game help with anger management?
Yes. By separating the factual account from the emotional response, individuals can better understand the triggers for their anger and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
What are some common mistakes people make when using this game?
Common mistakes include focusing too much on blame, failing to separate facts from feelings, and not clearly defining a course of action. Practice is key to mastering this framework.
Are there any resources available to learn more about this game?
While this specific name isn't widely used in formal literature, the underlying concepts are widely discussed within fields like emotional intelligence training and conflict resolution. Searching for resources on "communication skills," "emotional intelligence," or "conflict resolution techniques" will provide valuable information and exercises.
The Talking, Feeling, and Doing Game offers a robust and practical approach to emotional intelligence and effective communication. By applying this framework consciously, you can navigate challenging interactions with greater clarity, empathy, and ultimately, better relationships.
